fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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