Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
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