My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
