Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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