What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
