do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
