Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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