dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Randomize
