yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
