Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
