I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
