I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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