Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
