You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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