I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
