Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
