worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
