New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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