Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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