Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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