I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
