I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
