He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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