That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
be right there i have to get my cape
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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