I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
