I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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