just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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