woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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