his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
