he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
