the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
All the doctor said was why
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize