If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
