my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
