guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
