the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
How drunk are you?
Completed.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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