did you get engaged???
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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