she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
