can u get pink eye on your cock?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
