She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
