so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
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We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
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I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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