so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I think I won the penis lottery.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
