I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
you had me at cake vodka
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Randomize
