I hate your face
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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