Dude my mom stole all your condoms
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
