I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
This baby is an asshole
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
