All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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