ya dads aren't the best wingmen
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Floor bacon is actually really good
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