walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
