Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
