you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
