Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
