my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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