Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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