dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
