somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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